Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. V, No. 4, 1 April 2003
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
THE
AMERICAN GLADIATOR
Some weeks ago,
Secretary of Defense Rumsfeldius Gluteus Maximus Pompositus,* railed
mightily against re-instituting the draft
because, in his opinion, draftees are undesirable military prospects - not as
dedicated, intelligent, etc. as volunteers - and the equipment used by
today's military is too advanced for them.
I was drafted into the Army during the final stages of the Korean "conflict." I suppose the only stupid thing about it was allowing myself to be drafted in the first place. I had been offered a permanent deferment if I would accept a teaching position in Frankfort, Ky. After basic training, I was assigned to the 5th Cavalry Regiment of the 1st Cavalry Division in Camp Chitose, Hokkaido, Japan, right after it had been decimated by the Chinese army and was withdrawn from the Korean peninsula.
The only day-to-day difference between RAs (Regular Army volunteers) and USs (Draftees) that I noticed was that more of the RAs were drunks and were, for that and other reasons, usually under company punishment and restricted to the company area. Also, as company clerk, I expended much of my prowess with the typewriter, such as it was, in preparing the paperwork for undesirable discharges and Summary and Special Courts Martial against various RAs. None, that I remember, against USs.
Since no one in the upper echelon of this Republican administration has served on active duty in the military, I fear that they not speaketh with first-hand knowledge regarding draftees. Such an attitude is unforgivable. Our military suffered 291,557 battle deaths in World War II, 33,686 in Korea and 47,410 in S.E. Asia, a total of 372,653 in these three wars.** The total non-mortal woundings for all of these conflicts was 1,687,877. Grand total battle deaths and non-mortal woundings, 2,060,530 - as many as 70% of whom were draftees.
I'm sure that the millions of mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, children, brothers, and sisters are comforted by that kind of attitude. Yeh, sure!
* A take-off of a similar moniker given him by Maureen Dowd, in her op-ed piece, "Much to be learned from ancient empires," Dayton Daily, March 6, 2003.
** Source of statistics: http://www.hadit.com/library/statistics/americaswars.htm
GREAT
EXPECTATIONS?
A frequently
repeated TV ad features a young black student at the blackboard, struggling
mightily with a problem. He would appear to be about 10 years of age. He is
biting his tongue, unsure of the answer, and hesitating to record it. He is
being cheered-on enthusiastically by his classmates and by a surprisingly large number
of adults. One shouts, "Come on, Davy, you got the love." One adult watches
the clock on the wall as its second hand approaches 12. Then, at the stroke of
12, the boy records his answer correctly and the classroom erupts in cheering.
The ad is sponsored by the NAACP. It would appear to be an attempt to encourage
young black people to strive to be good students - and that they can be as
accomplished in their scholarly pursuits as anyone else. This is certainly true
and is an admirable cause. The only puzzling aspect of the ad was the difficulty
of
the problem on the blackboard - 60 divided by 10.
Does the problem "60 divided by 10" represent the limited mathematical ability to which the NAACP expects a 10-year-old to aspire? In the estimate of the NAACP, does this level of ability represent the average for 10-year-old black students - and they don't want to discourage those with that limited capability? How else is this ad to be interpreted? If either of these offered here is accurate, it is truly a tragedy.
SUPREME
CONFUSION
The Cleveland
City Club awarded Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia with its Citadel of Free
Speech Award because, according to executive director James Foster, he has
"had opinions or led the charge in support of free speech." The club
typically tapes such occasions for later broadcast on TV and/or radio.
Unfortunately, Scalia has determined that he will not attend if such tapes are
made. C-SPAN vice president and executive producer Terry Murphy has written that
the ban "begs disbelief and seems to be in conflict with the award
itself." (From Congressional Quarterly Today Midday Update,
March 19, 2003)
Must one always be so diplomatic?
See you at the next rest stop.
Go to Mrs. Evil's Recipe for April: Mrs. Evil's Portuguese Style Fifteen Bean Soup
Dr.
Evil
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Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
