By Oliphant, Drawing Board, The Washington Post National Weekly,
Vol. 21, No. 6, December 1-7, 2003
Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
By Oliphant, Drawing Board, The Washington Post
National Weekly,
Vol. 21, No. 6, December 1-7, 2003
Vol.
V, No. 12,
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
APPEALING TO THE MASSES
Other than Rush Limbaugh,
who do you suppose Oliphant is making fun of in the above editorial cartoon?
Cheers such as "Rush orter git that noble prize," " We with you,
Rush," "You our man, Rush," "Hang 'em all, Rush," and
"Hail! Rush ain't done nothin' to be forgiven about" are not
typical of Harvard or Oxford graduates. "Not that there's anything wrong with
that," as Seinfeld says. I can't help but believe, however, that they are intended to
represent some of the grey-matter deprived among us.
Then there was that November gathering at which Howard Dean made that outrageous attempt at appealing to white Southerners by referring to them as "guys with Confederate flags in the back windows of their pickup trucks." While it caused a mild uproar at the time, it is now generally considered to have been dumb, but trivial. It is, nevertheless, a view held by some Nor' and Nor' Easterners: i.e., that most Southerners are red necks and still cling to the white supremacy philosophy.
Now, while the latter is not accurate, I'm with Oliphant on the former.
THE CHARLES DARWIN AWARD -
A REPRISE
The following item appeared in On the Road with Dr. Evil, Vol. II, No. 12, 1 Dec. 2000.
"Two men were injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch, Arkansas, on State Highway 38 early one Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were admitted at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip, when Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse in the old truck had burned out. Unfortunately, they did not have a replacement. Then Wallis noticed that one of the .22 caliber cartridges from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse slot next to the steering column. Upon inserting the cartridge, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east-bound toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the cartridge case apparently overheated, causing the round to discharge, striking Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply off the pavement and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but required surgery to repair his other wound and to remove that critical body part. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "I've been a trooper for ten years, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said deputy Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife, Lavinia, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone retrieve them from the truck. All of which demonstrates what the really important things are in life."
The Discovery Channel recently presented a program on urban legends. An essentially identical variation on the above theme was presented. It was concluded that the story is untrue. Investigation indicates that, although a .22 caliber cartridge could successfully substitute as a fuse, it requires that the percussion cap be struck in order for it to fire. Also, in the course of using it as a fuse substitute, insufficient heat was produced to cause the powder to ignite. Finally, while newspaper involvement was overlooked in the account appearing in Dr. Evil's Blog, it did not appear in any Arkansas newspaper.
However, it is still a funny story.
CONFUSING AND MIXED METAPHORIC
HEADLINES:
Headline:
"Violent crimes down,
homicides up, FBI reports," Dayton Daily News, December 16. Is it
possible that some journalists do not consider homicides to be violent?
Headline: "Powell Full of 'Spit and Vinegar' After Surgery," Washington, Reuters, December 16. Isn't it "He's all Spit and Polish" and "He's full of P_ ss and Vinegar?" But, of course one shouldn't use the "P" word in polite society. Of course, being a military officer, the former is likely true. However, having just undergone prostate surgery, so could the latter.
QUESTION!
If Howard Dean becomes
President of the United States, are we going to have to refer to him as "Dr. President?"
Go to Mrs. Evil's Recipe for October, Scalloped Potatoes with Leeks and Cream
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
