Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy

On the Road with DR. EVIL  

 

Home

Vol. V, No. 11, 1 November, 2003

A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth

PROTEST CARTOON OF THE MONTH



Touka, Nawrooz Daily, Tehran, Iran, 09/12/02


PERSONS OF INTEREST! JUST SHORT OF AMERICA'S MOST WANTED?

Gee! Ordinarily, I should think that a person would feel flattered if he or she is thought of as a “person of interest.” Wouldn’t that be the same as an “interesting person?”

No, I’m afraid not.

It isn’t in Webster’s New International Dictionary as yet, but I expect it will be soon.  

The term was first used by the Justice Department when referring to Steven J. Hatfill, former U.S. Army bioweapons scientist after the 2001 anthrax attacks. Although never officially labeled a “suspect,” he has been fired by the Louisiana State University’s biomedical research and training center after an e-mail was sent by the Justice Department, ordering them to “immediately cease and desist” from employing him on department-funded programs. No reason was given.

The term has been applied to many “not-quite-suspects” since then, including a University of New Hampshire student who might know something about “Jack the Snipper.” Jack, it would seem likes to cut the clothes off of young women while they're sleeping. If he’s just a "person of interest," (wink wink) police are shielded from embarrassment in the event they end up arresting someone else. 

It appears to have been instituted to avoid lawsuits such as those filed by exonerated 1996 Olympic bombing suspect Richard Jewell. He was investigated by the FBI after he spotted a backpack that held a bomb that subsequently exploded. He rushed bystanders away from the area just in time. The FBI "accused" him of trying to attract attention. Somehow, they just could not bring themselves to believe that he was acting responsibly.

By the way, in a weird twist to the Hatfill case, Bill O’Reilly and Fox News have sued him for what has been called a "breach of implied contract." Because he held himself out to the public and to the media as probably being guilty, “Dr. Hatfill has stood by and reaped all the benefits and related rights and privileges of a celebrity crime suspect. He got his name in the papers and his picture on TV night after night, all while offering only the mildest protestations of innocence.” * In other words, in the opinion of O'Reilly and Fox News, he led them on, causing them to believe he really was guilty since he did not protest enough, and by doing so, did not provide Fox New with enough press.

In another twist, I see that John Ashcroft has been listed as a “person of interest” in the much more serious case of the missing Bill of Rights.  

*Disassociated Press, Washington , Aug. 27, 2003.  

Questionaire: Are You Considered a Person of Interest by a Law Enforcement Agency?

1. Has your Mayoral office been bugged lately?
2. Have you criticized the Iraq War?
3. Do you wear heightening shoes?
4. Have you ever bought a one-way airline ticket?
5. Are you a regular reader of "On the Road with Dr. Evil?"

NOW WHO'S BLOWIN' SMOKE?

As we are all well aware, the tobacco industry has known for 20 years that their products are injurious to one's health - to put it mildly - even though they swore before Congress that they aren't. Remember that famous scene? The CEOs of 5 or 6 tobacco companies appeared before Congress and to a man, they stood up, raised their hands and denied that tobacco caused cancer, emphysema, heart disease, etc. etc. 

So, what is the logic of suddenly coming out against smoking. You've probably seen the ad. They even suggest that one should visit their web site
* to get the full skinny on the dangers therein. Why would a company sponsor negative advertisement for their products? It's one giant leap for mankind beyond the recommendation sponsored by the beer industry that one should drink wisely and/or agree on a designated driver. 

But, you know what! They're not completely illogical. The ads are great for image building and they know full well that by carefully selecting programs of interest only to people older than 40 to carry the ads, there will be very little effect, if any, on the recruitment of young smokers - and no effect whatever on those already hooked. 

* www.PhillipMorrisUSA.com 

 Go to  Mrs. Evil's Recipe for October, Apple Bistro Tart

Dr. Evil

 Contact Dr. Evil

Why yes, I'm Evil.

Home - More of Vol. V