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See below.Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
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See below.
Vol. VI, No. 4,
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
THE
ULTIMATE
GIFT FOR THE ULTIMATE COUCH POTATO
Before battery-powered wrist watches came along, we were enamored with the self-winding variety. We were happy that we no longer had to remember to wind our watches every day. (Boy, what a chore.) The ultimate critique of laziness was accusing someone of not being active enough to keep his self-winding watch running. All one had to do, of course, was move the arm occasionally to keep the watch wound.
Well!! (As Jack Benny use to say) I have found the ultimate gift for the ultimate couch potato. Among the many catalogs we receive in the mail, I noticed one from Gadget Universe. It actually looked kind of interesting so I thumbed through it. As is frequently the case, shapely female models were used profusely to attract one's attention to various items - other than motor cycles and SnapOn tools. They were posed beside, holding or using, such sexy items as an Artificial Fish Tank, a hand-held rechargeable 9-LED Warning Sign and Torchlight, an Autoban Self-Tuning Universal Car Alarm Remote Control, a Digital Pen Spy Camera, a Transform UR-Voice Disguiser, and fondling a Huge Black Forest Cuckoo Clock.
Then I saw it, as I said, the ultimate gift for the ultimate couch potato - and it wasn't even accompanied by a shapely female model. Something you've always wanted: a Steinhausen Burl-wood Quad Automatic Watch Winder Case. Yes, a device to keep your self-winding watches wound. The following was part of the hype: "Over the years, collectors of Steinhausen automatic timepieces have requested a Quad Automatic Watch Winder box crafted of luxurious burl-wood. After more than 2 years in development, the wait is finally over. Hundreds of prototypes fell by the wayside until this incredible design emerged. [Yeh, sure.] With Subtle bowed slides made of polished burl-wood, craftsmen then applied 18 layers of high gloss piano finish. The result is a mirror finish capable of reflecting your image. The interior is no less impeccable with simulated soft cream calf hide lining. The four watch pedestals rotate inside burl-wood rings. A Lucite window in the lid allows for a wide dust free viewing area. Two additional compartments have been built into the front of the case with viewing window. The motors run silently as they keep four of your finest automatic timepieces constantly wound and ready at a moments notice. The burl-wood watch winder case you've been waiting for is finally here."
It cost only $299.95.
And just think! You can sit on your couch in your "potato" best persona and watch your self-winding watches being wound.
THE SUPREME SUPERIORITY OF SOME JUSTICES
"In . . . [the below] letter to Los Angeles Times reporter David Savage, Supreme court Justice Antonin Scalia . . . said his duck hunting trip with Vice President Dick Cheney will not affect his impartiality in a pending case involving Cheney's secretive energy task force. Public Citizen lawyer Alan Morrison, representing the Sierra Club in its lawsuit to obtain task force records, filed a motion asking Scalia to recuse himself from the case."
"Dear Mr. Savage:
To answer your three questions in descending order of difficulty:
(1) Even though the duck hunting was lousy (our host [Wallace Carline, president of Diamond Services Corp., a Louisiana oil services company] said that in 35 years of hunting on this lease he had never seen so few ducks), I did come back with a few ducks, which tasted swell.
(2) Vice President Cheney was indeed among the party of about nine people who hunted from the camp.
(3) I do not think my impartiality could reasonably be questioned. Social contacts with high-level executive officials (including cabinet officers) have never been thought improper for judges who may have before them cases in which those people are involved in their official capacity, as opposed to their personal capacity. For example, Supreme Court Justices are regularly invited to dine at the White House, whether or not a suit seeking to compel or prevent certain presidential action is pending. I expect that all of the Justices were invited to the Vice President's annual Christmas Party. The invitation was not improper, nor was the attendance.
Sincerely,
Antonin Scalia"
(From: Public
Citizen News, March/April 2004, Vol. 24, No. 2.)
Notes:
Demonstrating his flippant attitude, Scalia listed his responses to Mr. Savage's questions in "descending order of difficulty" - not in the order in which they were asked. Normally, of course, that would mean that the one of greatest difficulty (and therefore, probably of greatest importance) would be listed first. Are questions regarding the quality of the hunt, the number of ducks he shot and how good they tasted more difficult and important than explaining why the incident should not be grounds for questioning his impartiality?
Scalia also told reporters, "This was a government issue. It's acceptable practice to socialize with executive branch officials when there are not personal claims against them. That's all I'm going to say for now." Then to show his contempt for the reporter's question, he added, "Quack, quack."
Cheney, Scalia and some of their guests flew to Louisiana on Air Force Two, at tax payers expense. What do you suppose it costs to fly that super high tech equipped Boeing 747 from Washington, D.C. to Louisiana and return? Oh, I should apologize. I shouldn't make this appear to be a criticism. It was, no doubt, a business trip.
A
MACHIAVELLIAN TURN IN THIS ELECTION SEASON
As long as I have chosen to inject so much politics into this issue, I include
the following.
"Republicans may be drawing on an old Arab proverb as campaign strategy: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. The Dallas Morning News reports that a computer-assisted review of financial records shows that approximately 10 percent of contributors to independent candidate Ralph Nader who gave at least $250 have a history of supporting the Republican president, national GOP candidates or the party. Notable donors include actor and former Nixon speechwriter Ben Stein and Pennsylvania oil-company executive Terrence Jacobs. Democrats fear that Nader could help Bush by drawing votes from Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts. Nader was on the ballot in 42 states and the District of Columbia in 2000, received 2.7 percent of the vote nationwide, and was a deciding factor in two states, Florida and New Hampshire, which some analysts say cost Al Gore the White House." (From Congressional Quarterly Mid Day Update, 29 Mar. '04)
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Tying a Windsor Knot is easy. Really!
The Half Windsor is even
easier, but you start with the tie worn backside out.
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Who put that "E" in "Daisey?"
Mrs. Evil's Recipe for October? Dr. Evil's Famous Panettone
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
