Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. VII, No. 1, January 23, 2005
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
DR.
EVIL WISHES YOU ALL A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR.
Click on the Clip Art and turn up the sound.
A LETTER TO THE
"EDITOR"
"We have been betrayed at the very highest levels of government. After all
of that pre-invasion, unseemly palaver about 'French fries' Vs 'freedom fries'
and related nonsense, it seems that our leader has come out of the closet and is
displaying to the world that he wears, the horror of it leaves one nearly
speechless,
'FRENCH CUFFS!'
No, there is no denying it now. I have photographic proof and we all recognize
FRENCH CUFFS
when we see them.
I think we have a closet Frenchman on our hands. I wish I could check the
white house refrigerator for additional evidence like Camembert or Brie or
Roquefort cheese and could check the white house menu for items like Beef
Bourguignon, Chateaubriand and omelets not to mention truffles and Frog Legs
Provencal or perhaps Vichyssoise. Maybe that isn't such a good idea ~~ all of
our hearts would be broken if it was revealed that he is a secret snail eater!
The press has rumored that dubya will be making a trip to Europe to mend
fences. Perhaps he will kiss the hand of French President Jacques Chirac the
way Chirac delighted Laura by kissing her hand! But, I, for one, will be
disappointed if the white house doesn't take its chef along so that dubya
doesn't have to eat that decadent French cuisine.
I hope this photograph will be framed as a reminder that . . . well, of
something like you never know where your next heartbreak is coming from!"
Paul Sancya / Associated Press
President Bush and first lady Laura Bush dance
at the Constitution Ball at the Washington Hilton Hotel
during the 55th Presidential Inaugural celebration in Washington, D.C. Thursday.
STORM
IN A MANGER *
"A modern-day nativity scene at Madame Tussaud's, a waxwork museum, provoked outrage in early December. The offending spectacle cast David Beckham, a football player, as Joseph, and Victoria, his wife, as Mary. Among the waxworks completing the scene were those of Hugh Grant, an actor, dressed as a shepherd; Kylie Minogue, a pop-star, cast as the Angel (with wings and fairy wand); and George Bush as one of the three wise men.
Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, pronounced the display as 'disrespectful to Christians'. The display peeved one man so much that he repeatedly punched the waxworks of the Beckhams on December 12th, causing extensive damage. The controversial nativity scene was then closed to the public, which probably pleased the Beckhams, who were reportedly unhappy about the way their doppelgangers** were used."
* From
Economist.com
LONDON BRIEFING
December 2004
** Doppelganger: a ghostly
counterpart of a living person (as if you didn't already know).
POLITICAL
CONVERSATION: CONDI'S SLIP
"A pressing issue of dinner-party
etiquette is vexing Washington, according to a story now making the D.C. rounds:
How should you react when your guest, in this case national-security adviser
Condoleezza Rice, makes a poignant faux pas? At a recent dinner party hosted by
New York Times D.C. bureau chief Philip Taubman and his wife, Times
reporter Felicity Barringer, and attended by Arthur Sulzberger Jr., Maureen
Dowd, Steven Weisman, and Elisabeth Bumiller, Rice was reportedly overheard
saying, 'As I was telling my husb—' and then stopping herself abruptly, before
saying, 'As I was telling President Bush.' Jaws dropped, but a guest says the
slip by the unmarried politician, who spends weekends with the president and his
wife, seemed more psychologically telling than incriminating. Nobody thinks Bush
and Rice are actually an item. A National Security Council spokesman laughed and
said, 'No comment.' " From:
Intelligence Briefing, "Armani's
Exchange ... Condi's Slip ... Forget the Alamo," by Deborah Schoeneman,
NewYorkmetro.com, April 26, 2004.)
CARICATURE OF THE MONTH - GOLLUM'S FEMININE SIDE
"Poor, poor Condi speakses abouts, precious ... yes, speakses about and throttles the nasty tattle-tales for nice Master!"
"Nice master good to poor Condi! Master my friend! Stupid! Condi don't have any friendses! That's not true! Master is kind to poor Condi, gives us fishes, master does! Condi stupid if Condi thinks Condi has friendses! I'm not listening! I'm not listening! Master wicked, tricksy, false! Oooohhhh, nobody likeses us, nobody likeses poor, wretched Condi." From: The New News, Satire for the Unwashed Masses, 29 March, 2004.
AN OP-ED PIECE from
DR. EVIL
As a solution to the “Social Security Problem,” the Bush administration is on the way to proposing, as we all know by now, to privatize a portion of the worker’s contribution and allowing him/her to invest 4 of the 6.2 per cent of his/her current contribution to the Social Security program in the stock/bond market. They are also proposing that a maximum of $1,000 or $1,300 per year be allowed.
Some observations:
Under this plan, the maximum gross income taxable would be $25,000 for the $1,000 annual maximum and $32,500 for the $1,300 maximum. Unless the annual maximum is adjusted over time to reflect inflation, it will become regressive in 10 years.
Assuming an average but not guaranteed annual yield of 6%, which is more likely than the well touted 10-11% historic average for the stock market, a total investment of $79,058 in the $1,000 plan and $102,776 in the $1,300 plan, would be available after 30 years. It is doubtful that the average Jill or Joe would realize even this level of yield - more like 2-3%. But, OK, let's give him/her the benefit of the doubt.
If we assume that a year-2005 income of $20,000 is the minimum annual income necessary for a family of four to avoid poverty, and that that amount increases by 2.5% per year, in thirty years this minimum income would increase to $40,928.
Assuming further that the above 6% yield continues into retirement, the $1,000 annual max program would avail $4,743 to supplement annual income – the $1,300 annual max program would avail $6,167 to annual income. In the year 2035 economy, these amounts would be almost insignificant.
The administration is fostering the notion that the future retiree under such a plan would be building a kitty that will support an address in The Hamptons. Nothing is being said of the effect of reduced contributions on future benefits - or the potential effect investment income would have on the amount received from the unprivatized part of Social Security. I fear that it will be fodder for reductions in benefits and unwarranted increases in ages-of-eligibility.
The cost of the proposed privatization plan will likely kill Social Security as we now know it. It would, however, be a never-ending pot of gold for favored Wall Street money managers.
Sincerely,
Dr. Evil
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr.
Evil
Contact
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.