IS GETTING OLD A DEPRESSING
THOUGHT?"It doesn't have to be. Psychological Medicine reports that researchers at the Australian National University examined all accessible reports of depression and aging.
Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. IV, No. 8, 1 August 2002
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
IS GETTING OLD A DEPRESSING
THOUGHT?
"It doesn't have to
be. Psychological Medicine reports that researchers at the Australian National
University examined all accessible reports of depression and aging.
And what they found was that there's actually a drop in the rate of depression and anxiety as people age. In long-term studies, even people who had problems of anxiety and depression when they were younger stopped having these problems when they got old.
There's one caveat. The researchers really can't tell if the older people really feel better, or if they no longer understand [read "remember"] all the things they should be upset about." HealthScoutNews, LLC, 07/10/2002
BALONI HOTNEWS.COM WIRE
SPEAKER-OF-THE-HOUSE HASTERT FURIOUS WITH DEMOCRAT
TACTICS
In a chance encounter with Speaker-of-the-House J. Dennis Hastert, R-ILL, our on-the-street interviewer was bombarded with irate ranting regarding unfair
political tactics by Democrats in the upcoming fall elections.
"They're propping up a bunch of canines to oppose Republican candidates for
the House," he announced as he
zipped up his fly and stepped away from a fire hydrant. "Just
practicing," he added.
"Huh? I'm sorry, Mr. Speaker sir, I don't follow you," our reporter responded.
"Never mind," says Hastert. "I take it you didn't see the newspapers,* right?"
"I didn't see anything unusual, sir. Did I miss something?"
"That piece about that damned dog some guy tried to qualify to run against Florida Secretary of State 'Sweet Babe' Kathy Harris.** I believe his name was "Percy" or some pseudo-human name like that. You knew she was running for Congress this fall didn't you?"
"Yes sir, I knew that, but no sir, I didn't see that."
"They even have slogans like, 'Never made a mess in the House' and ' PERCY! Putting the LICK back into Republican.' Luckily, we stopped the border collie in Florida - just barely. But they're trying it in other States, too."
"With Percy, sir?"
"No, dag nab it,*** not with Percy. Other dogs! It's downright unfair having to compete with dogs. If your smart, you'll practice whizzing on fire hydrants, too. If this goes the way I think it will, we'll all be whizzing on fire hydrants."
*
Dayton Daily News, 18 July.
**
Harris' book about her role in the 2000 Florida presidential ballot recount,
''Center of the Storm: Practicing Principled Leadership in Times of Crisis,''
is slated for release in September. Is that a self-serving title or what?
***
A favorite expletive in Aurora, Illinois, Hastert's home town.
A SIGN OF THE TIMES? I'M
AFRAID SO.
On the front page of the July
17 Dayton Daily "B" section there was this photograph of proud
owners in front of their new Sunoco gas station/convenience store. The caption
read as follows: "Tony Ayoub (left), and Taisir Amr have opened up a new
Sunoco gas station on West Third Street in Dayton at the site of the old Smith's
Carryout. The owners spent $1 million to give the station its new look, which
includes bulletproof glass on the counter, six surveillance cameras, and an
armed security guard."
It seems tragic that a "new look" would include such things and that one can take such pride in them.
Go to Mrs. Evil's Recipe for August: Italian Panettone.
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
