I have finally discovered why
I like to have a little nip now and then. How could I possibly NOT like wine, when
it is so beautiful? See the photomicrograph of a bit of burgundy at the head of this
paragraph. *Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. IV, No. 6, 1 June 2002
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF THE GRAPE, JUNIPER OR BARLEY?
I have finally discovered why
I like to have a little nip now and then. How could I possibly NOT like wine, when
it is so beautiful? See the photomicrograph of a bit of burgundy at the head of this
paragraph. *
Not
showing any favoritism, I must admit that I also have a severe weakness for gin,
especially in the form of a 4 to 1 mix of Tangueray No. 10 and Martini and Rossi
Dry, with ice and a cracked olive. How can I not enjoy the No. 10 when it is
as pretty as pictured here.
And
I can't forget my old standby, a good brew of barley, wheat and hops. That ain't
Bud pictured here, it's Molson Light.
According
to the "Old Wives," later on one
should have a substantial amount of caffeine, preferably in the form of a great big mug
of fully leaded coffee.
Now, not as pretty, but absolutely essential, a triple dose of aspirin the next
morning.
* Photomicrographs are from http://www.micro.magnet.fsu.edu/micro/gallery.html
THE LATEST IN
RESTAURANT BOOTHS
Mrs. Evil and I met some good
old friends for lunch at Cookers and were almost immediately shown to an
oversized booth capable of seating 6 full-size customers. Our evil friend Peggy
scooted in and sat down. I sidled up to her and Mrs. Evil sat on the outside.
Our evil friends Sarah and Duane sat on the other side. I was immediately struck
by how high the table was. Then I noticed that, rather than the table being
high, the seats were very low. I sat with my knees propped up above my waist. I
looked across the table at Sarah. She looked like Lily Tomlin, the comedienne,
in her role as a little girl with pig tails and, as I remember, was
typically seated in an obviously oversized chair using an oversized telephone.
Sarah is not, what I would say, tall, but the top of the table came up almost to her
shoulders. I was probably the tallest of our group and I had to elevate my arms
almost to the horizontal to rest them on the table.
We harassed our waitress about the the proportions of the booth and I suggested that Cookers could use an Engineering Anthropologist to redesign their booths. Later, when I asked for some whitener for my coffee, she reached into her ample breast pocket and retrieved about 4 of those little containers of, obviously, very fresh cream.
At any rate, we kicked the subject of booth design around for quite a while, but never did come up with an explanation. It was only later, as we drove home, that Mrs. Evil came up with the rationale.
Cookers obviously has its finger on the pulse of the chomping-out population. They have, like most others, been serving oversized portions (and, not incidentally, commanding higher prices) for some time. They have done their share in fattening up their customers. Now they have merely gone to some effort to accommodate to the enlarged abdomens of their cooperative clientele so that they will fit under the table - and to decrease the distance between the plate and the mouth. There are other efforts at redesign they could have tried. For instance, why not make the table narrower. That way there would be more space for our oversized tummies. But, NO! That would mean that they couldn't pile on as many plates. They could also increase the pitch distance between table-center to table-center. Of course that would require a change in floor plan. Far too complicated and expensive. Best to just lower the seats.
In the final analysis, we eater-outers are no different than the lab rats they fatten up in nutrition studies. No matter how much food is piled in front of us - we'll eat it all.
Go to Mrs. Evil's Recipe for June: Scandinavian Brown Cabbage Soup.
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
