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On the Road with DR. EVIL
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Vol. IV,
No. 2, 1 February 2002
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
THE ENRON CAPER
Commentary? I wouldn't know where to start. Treasury Secretary O'Neill wrote off the whole sleazy mess as "part of the genius of capitalism." Presidential economic advisor Lawrence Lindsey called it a "tribute to American capitalism." Isn't it a bit more than that?
AMN'T VERSUS AIN'T
Wazzat? You've never heard of amn't? Well, I haven't either, but, by rights, we all should have been using it for years. We have isn't, the contraction for is not. We have wasn't, aren't, didn't, shouldn't, and wouldn't for was not, are not, did not, should not, and would not. But what ever happened to am not? The logical contraction would be amn't. I've never heard anyone even try to say "amn't." It's kind of hard to say. "Elementary, my dear Watson," as a 19th century English detective use to say. "That's why we say ain't." As a result of considerable research into this unfair anomaly, I have found that ain't is a much greater word than any of the others. It's a contraction not only for am not, but also for are not, is not, and have not - like in "I ain't goin'," "We ain't goin'," "He ain't either," and "I ain't never gone." Someone should take it up with the Advisory Committee on Spoken English. I say to you all, "Rise up. Rise up and defend that useful, but much maligned word."
THE MORE, THE MERRIER
One of my "pettist" of pet peeves, developed during my 73+ evil years, is when researchers don't include all significant contributors as authors on publications - another is when they try to get themselves included as authors when they made essentially no contribution to the research or the writing of the report or journal article. I admit that it can be a delicate and, sometimes, subjective decision. In my resulting paranoia, I have come to believe that when I see an article, especially a rather more significant one, with a single author, I immediately suspect that eligible authors were cut out. Then I noticed in the Contents for the 17 January issue of Nature, Vol. 415, No. 6869, an article entitled, "Replication-incompetent adenoviral vaccine vector elicits effective anti-immunodeficiency-virus immunity," by Shiver, Fu, Chen Casimiro, Davies, Evans, Zhang, Simon, Trigona, Dubey, Huang, Harris, Long, Liang, Handt, Schleif, Zhu, Freed, Persaud, Guan, Punt, Tang, Chen, Wilson, Collins, Heidecker, Fernandez, Perry, Joyce, Grimm, Cook, Keller, Kresock, Mach, Troutman, Isopi, Williams, Xu, Bohannon, Volkin, Montefiori, Miura, Krivulka, Lifton, Kurada, Schmitz, Letvin, Caulfield, Bett, Youil, Kaslow, and Emini. Count 'em - 52 authors. It is pretty much understood that if all authors made equal contributions, they are listed alphabetically. There's nothing alphabetical about this list. Since Shiver is listed first and out of alphabetical order, it is probably safe to assume that he/she is the primary author and, perhaps, along with Fu, decided the identity of the remaining authors and the order in which they would appear. Beginning with the third author, there is very little of an alphabetical nature one can say about the order. I haven't seen the article yet, but I'll bet it took longer to decide the order and the "who" of the list than it did to conduct the research and to write it up. However that may be, Shiver should either be congratulated for being so generous or chided for including everyone in his organization, right down to the trash-pickup guy. Fortunately, bibliographers will be able to list the authors as "Shivers, et al." Is it possible that "Emini" is the name of his/her dog?
CASHING
IN ON PATRIOTISM
You have probably seen the TV ad encouraging us to GET OUT THERE AND TRAVEL. It features Dubbya making a very patriotic speech in the wake of September 11, telling us to spend time with our loved ones and, of all things, to travel somewhere. At the end of one of the little Presidential vignettes he uses the expression, "American courage." Then we are treated to several obnoxious 3-second spots of citizens from all walks of life repeating "American courage." "American courage!" "American courage!" At the end, Dubbya is awarded with a round of applause. And then some airline company advertised the latest prices for round-trip fares to Orlando, or some such place. By this time, I usually snatched up the remote to mute the ad. I thought it pretty disgusting that the travel industry would be so crass as to try to make hay out of pseudo-patriotism and the tragedies of 09-11. Then I discovered that I wasn't the only one. In the January 14 issue of The New Republic, the editors also found it disgusting, pointing out that it is "highly unusual for a president to lend his image to a for-profit cause." Why, you ask? Well, because Bill Marriott, the chairman of Marriott International, who, with the connivance of Carl Rove, helped create the advertisement and "is a major donor to Bush and the Republican Party." It's a winner - the president is "portrayed in a heroic light." Who loses? "The industries that don't have close relationships with Rove. . . . [and] the people who believe in real patriotism, not the kind that's used to make a quick buck."
THAT
DEMON FOOTBALL
‘Tis the
season. Winter’s in force.
Football’s the game and I’m gettin’ hoarse.
Nothin’s the same when it’s all o’er.
And that Demon Football has run its course.
See you at the next rest stop,
Dr. Evil
