Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. I, No. 4, 30 September 1999
A
Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
INSPIRATIONAL
SIGNAGE
A sign, in front of a nearby rural church: "FREE TICKET TO HEAVEN - INQUIRE WITHIN."
CLOSE
ENCOUNTER OF THE NERD KIND
Mrs. E and I had dinner at the Tumbleweed Restaurant, a combination steak and Tex-Mex. grub house, the other evening. One of the waiters was a fairly tall, slender, close-cropped white-haired young man. When I first saw him, I thought to myself, "Whom does this kid look like?" Then, when I saw him again, it came to me. I asked Mrs. E who he reminded her of. She studied him for a while, but I couldn't wait. "It's Boomhauer from 'King of the Hill,' I announced. "King of the Hill," the TV account of the tribulations of Hank Hill, the most famous propane dealer in Texas. She knew right away who I was talking about. To see a replica of such an intellectual giant as Boomhauer was surely a once-in-a-lifetime gift. The enlightened among you have probably already been touched by this man's monumental brain and ability to clarify the most complicated theory in just a few guttural utterances. LISTEN TO A SAMPLE You appreciate the thrill I experienced, I'm sure. For those few among you who have not benefited from the wisdom unselfishly offered by this great sage, the program can be found on the Fox network
SERIOUS BASEBALL STUFF
Paul Harvey told a great story about Ty Cobb. Cobb was, no doubt, the orneriest baseball player who ever lived. No one played better or dirtier, used more foul language, or drank more whiskey. It seems that he was in the hospital - dying of cancer, as I recall. He pestered the nurses daily to let him have some Scotch whiskey to drink. Of course, they wouldn't allow it. A newspaper reporter visited him and asked for a series of interviews - short ones, spread over as long a time as possible - in view of his fragile condition. Cobb agreed on one condition, that he be supplied with a good-sized glass of Scotch whiskey every day. The deal was made. Cobb kept the glass of whiskey on his bedside table and, every day, enjoyed it to the last drop. The nurses never suspected. Why? Cobb kept his false teeth in the glass.
MODERN
TIMES?
On the I-65 bypass around Indianapolis, the other day, I saw a dilapidated panel truck of significant age with the following emblazoned on its sides: "ROPE FABRICATION AND REPAIR". Hey! Talk about a specialty out of the past. I half expected to see another loaded with horse collars.
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
.