Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. II, No. 4, 31 March 2000
A
Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
A
SIGN OF THE TIMES?
Mrs. Evil and I recently saw the stage production of "Beauty and the Beast." It was a real treat. The audience was about 25 percent children under 12 years of age. During the intermission, I of course hit the men's room. Whereas admittance for me was essentially immediate, I noticed the inevitable slow moving half-a-block long line of women waiting patiently to gain entrance to the ladies' room. After doing my business, I turned to the sink (honestly) and was surprised to see a man leading a little girl of about 5 years into the middle of the room. She appeared to be in a bit of a daze, but not too distressed. Then after splashing a little obligatory water onto my hands, I turned to pull a paper towel from the dispenser. Would you believe it? There was another father with his approximately 5-year-old daughter. Two in a period of about 1 minute. In over 60 years of whizzes in public men's rooms, I had never seen this before. Was I in the wrong restroom? As I was leaving, still another man was leading his daughter inside. This one, however, was older - about 9-ish. She was thoroughly mortified and was holding one of her hands flat across her closed eyes while her father led her in by the other. Poor thing! I didn't stick around to see if she survived, but she was truly embarrassed. I guess it was a comment on the times. Single parents! The potential danger of requiring kids to go into public restrooms alone! Insufficient facilities for women! Too bad!
MISTAKEN
IDENTITY
Molly Ivins is my favorite lady Texan columnist. My admiration is not entirely incidental, therefore, that "Dubbya" is not one of her close friends. She recently reported that a smart-aleck Canadian radio comedian told our Texas Republican presidential candidate that Prime Minister "Poutine" of Canada had endorsed him for the U.S. Presidency. Bush extended his appreciation to the Prime Minister for his support, not appreciating what a political fopah it would be for any official of a foreign government to openly endorse any candidate for that high office in another country. It turns out that poutine is a Canadian junk food made of potatoes, cheese and brown gravy. "W" didn't recognize it as something other than the sitting Prime Minister. I suggest that, before the next Quebecois election that one of the candidates be told that President "Whopper," of the United States, endorses his candidacy and see what happens.
AN
UNLIKELY SPEAKER
Mumia Abu-Jamal, a radio journalist and former Black Panther activist, is a Pennsylvania death-row resident, convicted of killing a Philadelphia policeman after the officer stopped Abu-Jamal's brother for driving the wrong way on a one-way street. He has been invited by Antioch College to deliver their commencement address by audiotape. (No, he ain't going to get out of prison.) He is to address two subjects: how one individual can affect the world and the true meaning of revolution. Law enforcement groups in the area are protesting. One national group promises a "very large" demonstration at the 29 April graduation ceremony. Several protest articles, op-ed pieces and Letters to the Editor have appeared in local newspapers. College administrators support the selection, saying that the college "does not take a position on the merits of [the] case. "They plead their support of the First Amendment right of free speech. Their graduating seniors select their commencement speakers. Because of irregularities in Abu-Jamal's trial, Amnesty International has called for a new one. His appeal is now in Philadelphia Federal Court. Prosecutors say that the evidence against Abu-Jamal is overwhelming. Coincidentally, and tragically, two young women, one a current Antioch student, the other a recent student, were murdered in Costa Rica earlier this month. Protestors are linking the two events, questioning the college's sensitivity and timing, much to the chagrin of college staff as well as to others. Discoveries of wrongful convictions are on the rise. Discoveries of wrongful electrocutions, injections and hangings will likely follow. With this in mind, the governor of Illinois has declared a moratorium on carrying out the death penalty in his State. Because Abu-Jamal may have something worthwhile to say, he may not be an unreasonable choice. Chances are he'll be a lot more interesting than 99 and 44/100 percent of the rest of the soporific (pun intended) and irrelevant speeches other graduating seniors can expect. While I'm no big-time fan of Antioch College, at least it's not the University of Beijing.
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
