Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. II, No. 11, 1 November 2000
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
THE
"ROLLING HOLD"
On 6 October, Senator John McCain brought to light a highly questionable and dangerous ploy in legislative procedures - the "rolling hold." It seems that one senator can thus anonymously delay consideration of a bill, and before he can be found out and pinned down by the bill's supporters, he passes off the hold to another senator who continues the hold - and maintaining anonymity. This tactic was used to, in effect, defeat McCain's bill aimed at strengthening highway safety in the wake of the deadly Ford/Bridgestone/Firestone fiasco. He lambasted the auto industry and its allies in the Senate, saying, "The fix is in. So the special interests will now prevail over safety interests where lives of Americans are literally at stake."
The bill would increase the National Highway Safety Administration's authority to collect information on possible automotive safety defects and require the agency to update its 30-year-old standards. The parts of the bill that I believe caused its demise were the provisions that would allow an increase in penalties for manufacturers of defective auto parts from $925,000 to $15 million and company officials who knowingly sell defective products that kill or injure could be sent to prison for up to15 years.
They are being allowed to escape accountability.
Regardless of the nature of the provisions within this bill, it is extremely disturbing that it or any bill can be killed in such a cowardly and dangerous fashion. If Senators are permitted to remain anonymous, how is the process monitored? How can it be certain that a senator is actually exercising a "hold" if he is to remain anonymous? Doesn't the process invite corruption?
How can such a tactic be permitted? How can it be within reasonable Senate rules to permit any member to act anonymously? If I am any good at reading body language and detecting embarrassment in voices, I would say the Senator Domenici was not happy to have to say before the entire Senate and the nation that he could not reveal the names of those senators participating in the anonymity game.
The Senate Rules Committee is responsible for policing the Senate to assure that procedural rules are just and reasonable and that they are being observed. Senator Mitch McConnell, R-KY, is Chairman - Senator Christopher Dodd, D-CT, is ranking minority member.
Over the next few days, I looked for this story in the Dayton Daily News, but didn't find it. I did, however, find it at http://cbsnews.cbs.com/now/story/0,1597,232610-412,00.shtml.
Senator McConnell's e-mail address is senator@mcconnell.senate.gov. Senator Dodd's: senator@dodd.senate.gov. Addresses of all can be found at http://www.senate.gov/contacting/index.cfm
MASTER
CRIMINALS
On seeing two suspicious characters outside his Pawtucket, R.I. apartment building, a resident called 911. He then went outside and waited for the police in front of the building. Meanwhile, one of the two culprits invaded the building to pilfer, leaving the other to be the lookout. Unfortunately for the pair, the one left on guard was legally blind and could see only shadows. He stood by the resident, as the latter waited for the police, thinking that he was his companion in crime. And then the police arrived. Needless to say, nabbing the two was not much of a problem.
THE OLYMPICS
According to my Britannica, the Olympics were first held in 776 BC. As today, the event was held every four years for 1169 years until about AD 393. The city of Olympia was the home for most of these early games. The first several meetings consisted of just one event, a race the length of the stadium. Then other events like additional races, the discus throw, the javelin throw, broad jump, boxing, wrestling, pentathlon, chariot racing and others were added, increasing the meet to as much as seven days. Originally, only Greek men competed, but soon men from the colonies were permitted. Women were installed as priestesses. Otherwise, their participation was limited to spectators. The games were considered so important that their interval was recognized as one measure of time - the 4-year interval, or "Olympiad." Winners of the various events were awarded a branch of wild olive, a highly coveted prize, and became national heroes about whom poems were written and songs were sung.
The games were revived in 1896, in Athens, when they became international. As with the early games, they have been held ever four years since then, except 1916, 1940, and 1944, when World Wars I and II made them impossible. The Winter Games were first played in 1924, in Chamonix, France.
In 1896, 285 male track and field athletes - but no women - from 13 nations competed in 10 sports. In 1964, 5541 athletes, including 719 women, from 94 nations competed in 26 sports.
Initially, all contestants had to be amateurs. Needless to say, that requirement no longer holds.
Up until about 20 years ago, the Olympics were glorious events. Now politics, commercialism, graft, drugs, money, incompetence, gang-like taunting, and other degrading distractions characterize the games. The public is losing interest - fast. The 20-Kilometer Walk, Beach Volleyball, Table Tennis, Badminton, Handball, and Curling now rank right up there with the Marathon, 100-Meter Dash, 400-Meter Hurdles, 1500-Meter Run, 3000-Meter Steeplechase, Decathlon , and Pole Vault.
I can see it now. A new event for the 2004 Summer Games, the Heptathlon, consisting of Mumblypeg, Spitting, Card Stacking, Taunting, Finger Skateboarding, Flipping "The Bird," and Falling Down.
THE
LATEST IN VACATION PROMOTIONS
Senior Honeymoons at Viagra Falls - or is it Viagra Rise? I forget.
ONLY
IN THE CITY BY THE BAY
In San Francisco, there is a minor movement protesting the fact that people who cohabited their residences with one or more canine companions refer to themselves as "dog owners." This is considered insensitive to the dog's self esteem. It is degrading. It smells like the master/slave thing. They propose that a more appropriate term for the relationship would be "dog guardian." This would reportedly alleviate the dog's anxiety and enhance his/her feeling of worth. Nothing was said about cats, canaries, gerbils, white rats, gila monsters, or gia pets. Are they to remain in servitude? How will this affect the manner in which dogs treat their fellow beasts? Is this an attempt to resurrect the theory of racial superiority at the subhuman level? I can see it now: skinhead dogs in Brooks Brothers suits, sipping martinis in the bar at the Fairmont Hotel on Knob Hill.
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
.