Commentary - Humor - Nonsense - Sarcasm - Satire - Whimsy
On the Road with DR. EVIL
Vol. III, No. 9, 1 September 2001
A Missive of Irregular Frequency and Questionable Worth
CLASSY LOOKING TRUCK YOU GOT
THERE, DUDE
Somehow, when it first came out, Daimler/Chrysler was able to have the PT Cruiser classified as a truck so that the average miles-per-gallon for their "truck" line could thereby be reduced and meet government requirements for the whole class. Does that big back door make it a truck? Now I see that they have an experimental PT Cruiser convertible. It will likely not hit the market 'til 2003. The last time I saw a truck with its top down was . . . Hey! That was a long time ago.
WINDING
UP THE NEWSCAST
It happens at the end of most TV newscasts. On the Nightly Business Report, Suzy Gareb says "Goodnight" to Paul Kangas. Kangas finishes up with, "And to all of you, the best of "good buys." Then, while the credits roll by, the camera focuses back onto Suzy, seated at her desk while she sorts through her 8 by 10 1/2s. She taps them on their ends to make a neat stack. Then she removes the top several sheets and aimlessly folds them - or she might turn to stage right and, with a pleasant smile, move her mouth as though speaking to someone - or reach to her monitor pretending to make an adjustment - or she might suddenly pull a telephone from under the desk and strike up a conversation with who knows who. Dan Wrather goes through the same kind of motions, but without much flair or variety. He usually just leafs through a few pages. He might "review" what he has just reported, but he has nothing like the imagination Suzy has - but he's not given the same generous amount of stage time for this final act.
I would like to see something different, sometime - a little variety. Suzy should, maybe, pull her lipstick and mirror out of her purse and freshen up a bit - remove her contacts - or stand up, stretch, snap her bra strap and adjust her pantyhose. Dan Wrather might consider loosening his tie, lean back in his chair and tossing his stack of papers in a trash can. He's never going to need them again, so why not. He could stand up, loosen his belt, unzip his fly and jamb his shirt tails down into his pants, close everything up again, shake his butt and walk off stage. At least, these would be honest, productive and natural.
CONSPIRACY
THEORY
What about the rash of shark attacks off the coast of Florida? Although, world wide, the frequency is not so much out of whack, the concentration off the east coast of Florida is. Sounds like a conspiracy to me. A political cartoonist got it right in the August 28 edition of the Dayton Daily. The sharks are trying to eliminate Katherine Harris, Florida's Secretary of State. You remember her. Haven't seen much of her lately, have we. Hmmmmmmmm!!!
THE FDA IN ACTION
There was this ad on TV the other day. It was for "the strongest antiperspirant you can get without a prescription."
See you at the next rest stop.
Dr. Evil
Why yes, I'm Evil.
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